4.13.2012

I’ve had it with being too busy. Who’s with me?

I think we're facing an epidemic -- everyone seems "sick" with busy, over-scheduled lives these days. Look around and tell me who hasn't been stricken. I’d say it’s a stage of life thing, but even the retired people I know seem burdened with too many to-dos.

How many times in a given week do you or those in your circles comment about how busy life is? We’re all so busy it seems that all we have time to talk about is how busy we are. In fact, calling our lives “busy” isn’t even accurate anymore. We’ve coined a new term for the level of insane over-scheduling and to-dos we take on; we call it “crazy busy.”

“Hi, Sarah. How are things going?”
“Good. Crazy busy, but everyone’s doing well. How about you?”
“Same. Slammed at work. Hectic at home. As a matter of fact, it’s so great to see you, but I need to run. I had to leave my yoga class early so I could pick up Katie from soccer and get her to the sitter. Joe and I both have meetings tonight. Let’s schedule a lunch soon when I’m not so crazy busy, okay?”
“Yeah, and this time we’ll actually go!”

I've had conversations similar to this. Have you? Sometimes I think I even see a call for help in a friend's smiling, but frantic eyes. "Everything's great! Please call me an ambulance right now because I think I'm going to drop right here in Target," they seem to be saying. That’s not just busy. That’s crazy busy. When we can’t stop and talk to a good friend for more than a few moments without looking at the clock. When we give our children a hasty kiss and move them from one caregiver to another, promising to play Candy Land tomorrow. When we don’t share with our spouses what’s going on at work because there is no time or energy to have a meaningful conversation about our days beyond our plans for managing the next day.

Am I exaggerating? Over dramatizing? Or does this sound familiar to you as well?

While it’s possible I could use some tips on how slow my life down a bit (maybe even an intervention), I don’t think I am alone. On one hand, it seems that I have a number of friends who appear to navigate through their own busy schedules with more grace and ease than I do. But I have an inking they are just as burdened, behind and bewildered by the busy-ness.

The moments when I marvel at my friends who are managing more children or more work responsibility or more charities, I remember the saying that some wise person once said (I was too busy to look up exactly who): “Don’t compare your inside to other people’s outside." 

There’s a lot of truth to that, isn’t there? I bet you any money, the laundry pile at 9 out of my ten closest friends is just as high as mine right now. I bet, like I do, they have hundreds of pictures waiting to be printed. Birthdays that creep up on them before the gifts are bought or the cards mailed.

Even so, that’s little solace when my overscheduled weeks and overflowing to-do lists leave me feeling as though I’m missing out on my real life – the one I want to look back on fondly and proudly, not with regret.

How does your crazy busy life affect you? To me, it’s a feeling of being consumed. My time, my thought process, my creativity, my ability to execute all of the ideas swarming around in my head – all of these are tapped out. And yet there is so much more I want to do with my life, so much I want to give to others.  

I don’t want to be busier; I want to be more productive.

Me...before I knew what "busy" meant.
I want to finish my novel (again) and query agents.

I want to cook more meals, healthier meals.

I want to spend more time soaking up my children’s voices, the feel of my son’s little hand in mine, the last years of my daughter’s girlhood.

I want to better nurture my marriage so that our eventual empty nest won’t feel so empty.

I’m tired of doing more. I want to be more – for people I love and even for people I’ve never met.

Now before you ask me if I would like some more cheese with my “whine,” let me say this: I do have hope that I can better master my schedule with the right changes. I can continue my efforts to live more in the moment. And, indeed, I have a lot of meaningful experiences with my family, in my career, and through my volunteering. Inspired Wining is case in point. I’ve been involved for six years now, and I can very truthfully say, every single moment has been enriching. I hope you have people and projects that fill your life with meaning, or at least help you balance out, in some way, the challenges of being crazy busy.

I’d love to hear from you.  I plan to write a “Part 2” to this post in the near future and share tips for avoiding the pitfalls of being too busy. Or simply post a comment and tell me what you would do if only you had more time. Maybe just the act of expressing it here will give you the idea or fortitude you need to make it happen. (And the same goes for me!)

39 comments:

  1. I nodded my head all the way through this. It used to be called 'too much on your plate' and was a bad thing, then someone in corporate America coined the term 'multi-tasking' and said it's a good thing. I'm with you, I'm tired of being crazy busy. I don't have any solutions or even good advice for handling it, because I think I'm that person at Target with the big smile waiting for the ambulance to arrive. I'd love to talk more, but gotta go....

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    1. Thank you, Kelly! I think another reason for all of this busy-ness is women trying to do it all. We really are very good at it. In fact, it's a source of pride for me most of the time. But my goal is to focus more on quality rather than quantity...and it's so easy for the right balance to tip, in my opinion, the other way where we become more than good multi-taskers. We become frantic and overly stressed. And stress kills.

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    2. OMG...I really liked this post. I just moved into an 80 year old farmhouse and got baby chickens and I've never known such "busy". In fact, I don't have time to read through to the bottom of the comments so I added mine here :)Thanks for a great post. I'm glad I'm not alone.

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  2. I'm sorry, I was too busy to actually read this - lol. Just kidding, Andrea, I loved it. Too true. Please write a follow up on how to stop being so busy. At the very least, I'm going to stop complaining about being so "crazy busy" ... sure beats having nothing to do :)

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    1. Oh, boy, Suzanne. I fear my suggestions will make me a hypocrite because I am not so good about sticking to my advice in this category. But I'm willing to keep trying. I have a lot of ideas and hope to hear others' ideas as well. Even a small change can go a long way in one's life.

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    2. I have always thought that is so unfortunate that the busiest and most productive part of our lives occur durning the child raising years. I finally had to let a few things go, but have found that with less responsibility sometimes comes a bit more laziness, at least for me anyway. If I am not "crazy busy" I am not as productive, it seems. Of course, I say this while on vacation...

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  3. I don't actually think I'm crazy busy. I TELL people I am (or let them believe it) because they seem to expect it, but since you've asked I'll be honest and maybe I can share some tips.

    Number 1 is I love being busy, so I can't help anyone who doesn't. My brain is always going. I can't just sit don and do nothing, I'm constitutionally incapable of it. The closest I can get is watching TV.

    I work reasonable hours - in at, out by 4 - which is almost unheard of for a lawyer, so I know how lucky I am.

    We have home-cooked meals every night. My husband cooks. Ladies, if you can, get your husband to chip-in on the housework. Especially if you also work full-time. This should be a 50-50 split, although an 80-20 split is an uphill battle. I get my husband to cook by cultivating a reputation for absolutely horrendous cooking. I hate to say I CAN'T do something, but I've made calculated decisions to be BAD at some things because there is no surer way to make a man do something than let him think you can't do it without him.

    Housework is not important. Or not as important as your family. My mother vacuumed every day and cleaned the tolet every day, changed the sheets weekly, dusted weekly and cleaned the bathroom weekly. Do I? Hell no. We keep the kitchen clean of course, the sheets and bathroom are on a fortnigtly rotation. Vacuuming? When my husband remembers. Dusting? When I remember. There's a pile of clothes in the walk in robe. So what? It'll get put away eventually, but if I need time for my daughter, that's what I'll do first. As long as the house doesn't look untidy when I have visitors.

    OK, so I don't have any hobbies except reading and writing, but that's a decision I made when I got serious about my writing.

    I guess the short advice is don't sweat the small stuff. No one wants 'I wish I had more time for housework' on their headstone, so make it a bottom priority except to the extent necessary for hygiene. Put family first, and don't take on too much.

    I know it's not that easy for some people, and everyone has different circumstances, but that's my two cents. Consider if everything you'e doing really needs doing. REALLY REALLY needs doing.

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    1. You are absolutely right, Ciara! It takes a heightened level of awareness about what you are making priorities in your life and whether or not those are the right choices. Thanks so much for your reply!

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  4. What Ciara said.
    And you too. And thanks to Kelly who turned me on to this blog! I just wrote a post yesterday on my take on this:
    http://www.tobyneal.net/2012/04/11/attention-deficit-nation/ Because I think we are not only DOING more, we're jamming more information into our brains all the time keeping "connected" with everyone and everything. Some is good, like finding this blog and my other writer friends. And sometimes, like tomorrow for me, you need to schedule a DAY OFF and hole up with no technology and a whole lot of nothing to do.
    Good luck with scheduling one--I'll let you know how mine goes!

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    1. Great, Toby! I look forward to reading your blog.Let's keep in touch. And I am all for that day off. Unplugging is a huge part of not succumbing to all the craziness. Or should I say, making yourself unplug.

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  5. Totally without bragging, I am a born organizer/multi-tasker. I also have an autistic child who doesn't sleep, so years ago I learned to do with less sleep...that makes me look really, really productive! Great post!

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    1. Organization and multi-tasking skills can be learned, but yes I think they are largely innate. I am especially glad that you have that skill, Lorca,as I have special respect for people with children who do not sleep or children who need a little extra attention. I, for one, am a mess on less than 4 hours sleep. On the flip side, I am so much more productive and clear-headed on 6 to 8 hours. I hope you get to take the occasional nap??

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  6. This is absolutely me. haha I really could relate and I think you're right, it's time to just slow down and be more. Looking forward to part 2.

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  7. Great post! I didn't realize what "busy" meant before my second career as an author kicked in. Working full time as a wedding planner and then filling the rest of the week with family time and author tasks makes for an insane level of busy. Being a Type A and planner by nature does help, but I still find myself having to make a conscious effort to remember to stay in touch with my friends and people unconnected to work. It's a true challenge...and a shame, really. I'm definitely going to keep this post in mind!

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    1. Great to hear from you, Raine! And congratulations on pursuing and achieving a career as an author. I know it's not easy to find time for writing or to build a career around it. I wish you luck - it sounds like you are on your way! As an aspiring author, I'll look to you for inspiration.

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  8. Andrea, you are right on. Crazy busy is a disease. I'd like to write more. I really would. But I don't have time. Here's to Calgon and wining.

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    1. Indeed, Beth. And to Calgon and wining at the same time!

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  9. If I only had time not to be crazy busy--this really hit home for me. It's been at least 2 months since I've put in less than 12 hours. I miss my family. Amazing post.

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    1. I hope your work schedule smooths out soon, Amber, and that you can plan a nice playdate with your family and enjoy!

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  10. We are all suffering from this. It's a disease that comes with capitalism and a high standard of living. I have just started reading WORLD ENOUGH and TIME: ON CREATIVITY and SLOWING DOWN by Christian McEwen. This is from a small press in NH. So far it's very good. I try to keep a couple of hours a day at least free from distractions, a space where the writing and thinking can happen. But getting to that space can be a challenge.

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    1. Thanks for commenting, Katie. I will definitely look into those titles (when I have time, of course.) As you can imagine, I am craving some regular quiet writing time when I am writing just for me. I won't give up! Congratulations on your latest book success!

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  11. I often feel overwhelmed and I don't even have kids. I can't imagine how parents do all the things they do in a day. Me, I own/run a company that just opened a second office, I write every chance I get, and I work for an events staffing company at least once a month (I want to write a book about it one day). I also have a rental unit that I need to stay on top of. I volunteer on occasion but not enough. Still, I usually feel like I have things under control - I make time for the boyfriend, family, vacations, books, movies, games, etc. I do this with the following two strategies: I am very selective about my friends and the family members I hang out with. I don't waste time with people who sap my energy, live for drama, or refuse to get along with others. Next, my condo is a mess. I clean it before company comes or when I can't sleep. That's pretty much it.

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    1. I once had a boyfriend who regularly said, "Surround yourself with positive people." I take that to heart. Of course, being a positive presence can mean a number of things, not just being the cheerleader/always happy type. Trustworthy people. People who inspire you, challenge you in good ways, people who make you laugh. And, yes, avoiding those who, as you say, sap you rather than add meaning to your life. Good comment, D.C. and good luck to you!

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  12. I could copy and paste most of the great comments here because I identify with all of them, even when someone says "I love being busy" or the exact opposite. Both are true at different times, and the book that sits on my writing desk, not kidding, is: In Praise of Slowness by Carl Honore: How a Worldwide Movement Is Challenging the Cult of Speed.

    Growing ever busier, siestas getting shorter . . . what's a nap?

    Love this post.

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    1. I totally agree with you, Justin. There are many times it feels good to busy and other times, I just want to go on that pilgrimage featured in the move The Way, which I also talked about in a past post on this blog. Thanks for sharing the book title.

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  13. Julie Devers13.4.12

    I've been thinking about your post this afternoon and wondering why everyone feels "crazy busy" (myself included). I think it has to do with expectations. Granted I have preschoolers and probably don't know what "crazy busy" is yet but I think we really expect to have a perfect formula of fabulous career, big, beautiful home, copious amounts of family time and time to relax. If you look at our parents, grandparents, and great grandparents, there is always something missing from that formula. From a spouse that did not work full time to smaller houses to farm wives who NEVER had free time, none of them had it all. The right formula is different for every family but I think one thing is true, very few people have it all.

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    1. Julie!! How awesome to see you on here and read your thoughtful comment. Our friendship is the perfect example. I always say you were my very first friend. And yet it's been several years since we've gotten together. Maybe we can find a creative solution to the way distance and our busy lives have made it hard to get together. Long weekend in the Shenandoah valley??? Thanks so much for your comment

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  14. It was really the decision to write that took me into the crazy busy realm. I enjoy it, but I'm starting to think this pace might be unsustainable... Especially since the decision to publish means I need to spend almost as much time publicizing as writing--which ends up equating three full-time jobs. O_o

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    1. I can so relate to the decision to write taking you "into the crazy realm." I made this year my year ot focus on writing and I don't think I've everbeen so busy!

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  15. I work with authors (my company is @BadRedheadMedia) and they're all so overwhelmed by social media and writing and selling. I hear from many on Twitter that 'spamming links is the only way I know to sell my books.' Sad and not true at all. (I just wrote a post about 25 ways to sell your book that doesn't include spamming links on Twitter).

    Regardless, busy is good. Bored is not. We're all smart women with lots going on. It's all good, to use a tired but appropriate phrase. I say revel in the busy-ness. There will come a time when we can't even remember that our pants don't go over our head.

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  16. I am to busy all the time. I keep stopping and wondering why I am doing what I am doing. I cannot continue doing some of the things I would be doing because my life was brought to a quick sharp left turn and now am in the middle of changing my life due to a disability, so I write, or try to write. I maintain a blog ... because I want, need, have too now. I write, I read, I cook, I clean, I try to fit sleep in and as my fiance pointed out the other day as he pried the laptop out of my hands, I never take time for myself anymore.

    Today I went back to bed after doing a radio show.. I fell asleep,till FIVE PM! I lost a whole day that I had actually managed to schedule in for READING all the books I need done like NOW for review.. and when I tried to go and get caught up after answer all the panicked tweets and messages most in the range of "WHERE ARE YOU? DID YOU FREEZE TO DEATH?? WE ARE WORRIED??" MY goodness! NOW when I came downstairs and to get caught up, let folks know I was ok, I put my computer on maintenance mode, which means I can read and guess what? I FELL ASLEEP! So now it is midnight and I am still trying to stay awake because.. I HAVE TO BLOG A POST FOR the A to Z challenge! SEE? YA I am going nuts!

    Sure like Rachel said, I will revel in my busy busy life, but occasioanlly I want to have a break, to snuggle with my man without clutching my tablet and answering everyones "KRISS KRISS WE NEED YOU NOW! HOW do you do this? Help! Hey how do you cook that bacon?" SERIOUSLY I feel the need be the one that is always there, and I LOVE that people want me to help. But I need to learn how to unplug, let's face it a lot of my busy life is my choice! So I am not whining, I just need minions or someone to point me at something that helps me with tips to organize my time. Frankly getting mY MFA was easier then this LOL. So any tips? At least something I can read in less then 15 minutes because I am to busy! hehehe

    AWESOME article!

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    1. The best tip I can come up with is to let most of your housework slide by. Keep things sanitary, but you do not need to have a perfectly clean and uncluttered house.

      And the tip that I am still working on doing myself - take more time away from Facebook and Twitter so that you can read/write instead, before getting pulled into the addictive social media madness.

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  17. I am often too busy. Since we moved, I started spending 2 hours in the morning and 2 hours in the afternoon on the school runs, most of it sitting on buses. So I have told myself that I will spend that time catching up (using my phone) on Facebook, Twitter and blog reading, and try not to get sucked into those time-holes when I am home. Now if my phone was just easier to type on! lol!

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  18. Tiffany Crenshaw14.4.12

    Andrea!

    Well done, yes, life feels like a hamster wheel sometimes. But, I suspect we may be bored to tears if you we weren't so busy...

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  19. I am so with you on this! Being busy should not be such a point of pride. Funny to see this today -- I just posted on this....at http://www.theblunderyears.com

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